No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
