Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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