i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
