So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
