someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
