Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
