Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
