Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
