Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
