They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
