aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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