We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
