Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
