I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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