Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
