xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sarcasm needs its own font
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I just put wine in my tea
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
