You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
