they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize