is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
