i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
