his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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