sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
