WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
