Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
