Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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