capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
