It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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