No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
please don't ironically join a cult
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