Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
