Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We don't watch enough power rangers
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
