one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
