Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I AM VODKA MAN
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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