the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
