Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My vagina is officially offended.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize