Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
