took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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