Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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