so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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