that's an acceptable place to lick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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