He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
