In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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