Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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