There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
