you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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