You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
