I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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