brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
