I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize