I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
