Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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