Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
