So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
