so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
