i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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