Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize