So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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