BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have fence marks all over my body
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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