Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
