my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
