Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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