The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
