I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
