I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
