Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
