i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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