The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
