just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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