I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
