matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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