You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
