no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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