Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
