Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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