You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
